Why You Should Treat Yourself
I have never been good at spending money on myself. My sister hated (still hates) shopping with me because I can famously change my mind and second guess myself approximately 352 times between picking up an item and walking to checkout.
Part of this indecision has always come from a fear of spending too much money. This fear was exacerbated while i was married and we found ourselves needing to save more. I went into budget mode and scrimped and saved. I kept a close eye on every single purchase at the grocery store to stay in budget and I essentially stopped spending any money whatsoever on myself. This helped no one. As my ex continued to spend money on himself, our situation didn’t change, and I found myself frustrated. Plus, when we did go over the grocery budget, he questioned me and made me feel like it was my fault. This only made me work harder, to no avail.
Penny Pinching
When he left, I went into complete penny pinching mode. My daughter and I had moved in with my parents and I started picking up writing jobs online to bring in cash while being home with her. However, my parents soon made me see that not spending any money at all wasn’t going to help us either. I would second guess purchasing a $2.00 pair of pants for my daughter at the consignment shop. Why?? She needed pants, they were incredibly inexpensive and I had $2 I could spend. And shopping for myself? Forget it! All my money has to go to my daughter, right? I needed new clothes or essentials, but I felt immense guilt spending a dime on myself! Getting out of the no spend mentality was hard, but necessary.
Shouldn’t I Be Saving Everything?
Now there are two sides to this coin. Should I be saving everything I can? Absolutely. But there can be such a thing as going too far on the scrimping. As I started to come out of the fog from my divorce, I started to see how money had become a manipulative device. I didn’t think I was worthy of spending money on because all the money went to “us” and it was important that I not spend it away. Loosening the reins and treating myself in tiny (and sometimes free or completely inexpensive) ways has not only made me feel better about myself, but reminded me of the power I have to make my own money and spend it where it counts.
Enjoying the Smallest Joys
My parents told me a story when I got married of their early years of saving and building a life together. One of their “special nights” involved McDonalds chicken nuggets for dinner. Because spending that little amount of money on themselves was a lot back then. This story has stuck with me, and reminds me that “treating yourself” doesn’t have to be expensive or even fancy. But it’s important that you give yourself the tiniest treat now and then.
Under-spending Can Be a Problem Too
Am I always going to worry about budgeting? Or course! I’d be a fool not to. I will always keep myself on a strict budget and put aside money for my daughter, and for her needs. Overspending is a huge problem for lots of people, and it’s a slippery slope. But I argue that underspending can be a problem as well. As long as you keep an eye on your finances, you shouldn’t feel any shame in spending a bit on yourself now and again. Especially if you never do.
