Losing What I Was Promised

He thinks it’s jealousy. I know it’s not.

To the outside world it may look like my sadness or anger is about what he has. Or even about what I don’t. But in reality it is about what I was promised.

I don’t want what he has now. I see the same red flags from my relationship with him. And I am so much happier living without the lies, the frustration, and the sadness.

It’s also not about what I don’t have. I don’t need a relationship to be happy. I have found more happiness and fulfillment since he left than I ever remember having. Would I love to get married someday to an amazing man who loves me? Of course. But I am not about to rush in to something just to complete a pretty picture in my head or “compete” with the fake picture he is portraying.

Recovering from divorce isn’t a contest. You don’t get a prize for moving on first or for going on the most dates.

The part that is actually upsetting is what you were promised. You were supposed to have those Christmas mornings as a happy family. And you were supposed to have someone to talk to and lean on when your daughter starts developing an attitude or your son stops listening to you. You were supposed to have a lot of things. And whether your ex partner has them with someone new, or your both just starting to move on, it’s okay to grieve those lost things.

When I start to feel like I’m missing something, I use my trusty mind trick to bring myself back. Yes that cheery Christmas morning in my head would be nice. But once I allow reality to sink in, I realize it never would have happened the way I was picturing it. I wouldn’t have been happy knowing he was cheating. He would have been upset with me because he always was, and our daughter would have unhappy Christmas morning memories.

So grieve what you have lost, but don’t let yourself fall into the trap of thinking that life was better before. You have the ability to build a great life for yourself now, free from secrets and lies. Embrace it and celebrate it.